It is amazing to me how many people would rather substitute mass media projections of Truth, for the actual Truth itself. I am saddened and depressed for the next millenia of Humans.
DO NOT BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK!!!!!
Just because I write so eloquently about Rampant debauchery and violent Deviance and have occasionally dipped my toes into the pool of spiraling Decline, the great Majority of these stories are fiction!
Calm the Fuck down!
No, I do not think, by this time, that it is any secret that my ex-wife Hates me...and Rightfully so.
I do not think that by now that it is any secret that I have wronged my chillens, stolen from convenience stores,cheated on my taxes, badmouthed my venerated Mother, told my daughter that Santa did not exist, cheated on every wife (there have been 4 of them), wrecked cars while drunk, shot a man in anger, OD'd more times than you have been to a National Park, and claim to have seen a UFO, up close!
BUT the Great majority of these stories, are fiction!
Here is a good example, if there ever was one....
The Preceding story, named "Ham on Rye...and whatnot" is actually about a Very legal road race called the Bay Bottom Crawl. It is been raced LEGALLY for over 30 years in Big Pine Key, Florida and my loving wife of over 10 years is now a driver for her very own crew. She works very hard at practice, is a wonderful mother and is a recent college graduate at the age of....(oh, I don't think you are going to trick me into that one!)...21.
My friend, my compadre and partner-in-at-least-a-half-dozen-drug-related crimes, Sally? Actually based on my friend from New England, Alfred. And other than the occasional beer and some shit the doctor(and Judge) makes him take for Compulsive Erections the man doesn't even do drugs. We officiated the race which WAS hot, buggy, and for the vast majority of the time, boring as Hell. I started formulating the story because I WAS bored!
The picture on my blogspot of a fat guy in the road, which looked like the Corvette hit him? That is me! After the one wreck of the day, which happened right in front of Alfred and I, the tow truck came and pulled the Vette out of the tree in which it landed...I thought, after 3(and only 3) beers, about how funny that picture would be, along with the story and my new ending! Alfred took the picture and if you look in the background, one of the pit crew is laughing his ass off at us while the picture is being taken.
And if you were curious and I doubt you were, the driver, Stephen? He is perfectly fine.
EVERY driver of the Real Bay Bottom Crawl is a very earnest driver and would never Dream of imbibing in a buttload of drugs before hitting the track. They take these races seriously and judging by the amount of money I have put out for flame retardant suits this year, also very safe!
Come on, People! Just because I write about a sadistic midget beating his girlfriend and a cannibalistic meth cook, it does not mean that is what actually happened or that I EVEN knew these people! Just because I write about drugs, booze, whores and bacon does not mean I am wrapping whores in Bacon, chewing up my Vicodins and washing them down with Gin while shooting up Heroin in the bathroom stall of a Bus stop in Flagstaff!
Most of the time, my life is pretty boring and mundane...Wash the dishes, write a few pages, play some Playstation, kiss on the Lovely, drink a few beers...big fucking deal!
Every now and then, however....
No,I have never been afraid to explore the Dark Side of Life and yes, I sometimes revel in the dirt, the grime, the Essentially Wrong of the underbelly of the unwashed Masses.
However, I have tried in earnest(and in vain, at times.) to not form a career out of it.
For the biggest part of my life, I tried to BE the fucktards that I write about. My heroes, my enemies, my ex's, my bums, my punk drummers, my junkies, my whores, my killers and even my midgets and My Self...they ALL live in my mind and dance the Slow Dance at the end of my fingertips.
I live precariously through them...
So try and calm the fuck down!
THESE STORIES ARE, AT THE LEAST, 40% FICTION!
So can everyone just calm down?
This webpage is not about You and I...It is not about Right and Wrong...It is not even about Me...
It is about the Story!
The everlasting gobstopper, the Eternal, the Primal, the One story that we have all been telling since the dawn of Man.
We All tell it, either through words, or music, or our Work, or our Art, our Faith
or lack of Faith.
We are All telling this story...I will promise to respect yours even if you will not respect mine.
